A boyhood dream, I don't remember ever having a boyhood dream. Yet none that are generally perceived as a boyhood dream.
When we see someone our age driving by in a flashy sports car or on a brand new motorcycle, we look at each other for a moment and notice that for that person his / her childhood dream has come true.
However, material matters never appealed to me. I may like a sports car or a motorcycle, but longing for it is something completely different. I can understand that for that person his / her dream has come true. A dream come true, that is the most beautiful thing there is! For myself my dream came true the day I recognized Rita as my twin soul.
I can still remember, I must have been about 14-15 years old, I longed very strongly for a relationship. The moment I felt most abandoned, I got an image of a girl in a flash, we were in each other's arms. The feeling was so intense, so loving that the feeling of abandonment was simply gone at that moment.
I tried to find this feeling in every relationship that I had since. In none of them, I could find the energy of that feeling. Not that those relationships were bad. But that special feeling was not there, that click, that warmth was missing. I was uncomfortable in these relationships. That was not the fault of my then partners, because they also tried to find their niche within the relationship we had. Each one of these relationships was destined to end.
Other possible partner
During these relationships, I kept looking for another possible partner with whom I could finally share that feeling. I often felt ashamed about these feelings. Someone once asked me; "Why is it that during a relationship, even if it is good, one keeps looking for a possible better relationship?". Apparently this person had the same feeling but I had to fail to answer. Now, years later, I know better. When twin souls incarnate at the same time they keep looking for each other, there is no other relationship that can match that, no matter how hard one tries.
A dream come true
The feeling of being abandoned can lead to the darkest thoughts you can ever have. Each time I was advised from inside myself to wait and do nothing crazy because there were still beautiful things waiting for me. Without knowing what it was that prompted me, I persisted all this time. Until finally in 2005 my boyhood dream came true. Now I am sure it is my own "Knowing" that has faithfully supported me through the most difficult times of my life.
Eddy, as well as Rita to whom I owe so much, thanks to her I am the "man" I am today.