Many people who are spiritually oriented have questions about sexuality. "I am spiritual, does sex still belong in my experience?" is one of the many questions one asks when walking the spiritual path. A valid question that can be answered with yes and no.
No, because sex has no spiritual value. There are proponents that say that through sex one can find a shortcut to God. Well, they may think and say that. We've tried it and found that sex cannot be a shortcut. Also forced or deliberate celibacy will not help you.
Yes, because problems surrounding sexuality cannot simply be ignored. Those problems will not be solved if nothing is done about them. For example, if one is disgusted with sex, there is an underlying problem that requires a solution.
Disgust is a mental and emotional problem. Whether this is solved by having sex is not very clear. One person will find a solution by having sex and continuing it until there is no more disgust.
Another will investigate this disgust and perhaps find a mental solution to it. The intention is to find a solution that can transcend the problems surrounding sex. So that sex cannot be an obstacle to your spiritual growth.
'Must' one have sex?
No, not at all. One is not abnormal if one has no desire for sex. Having no desire for sex can become a problem if your partner does need sex. For example, in our previous relationships, we had partners who were not sexual at all. While we were very physical then and liked to have sex. This difference between ourselves and our previous partners created a lot of tension and frustration. It has also partly caused us to leave those partners to go through life together.
We were both 47 years old at the time. In the first two months that we were together we had already had more sex than whole our live before. We had sex every day for the first 4 years. In the very beginning that we were together we had realized through intuition that sex would no longer have any meaning. We talked about it then and came to the conclusion that it wouldn't be in the near future. That was in 2005, now 2021 it looks completely different.
Sex no longer has any meaning to us. Actually, we are very neutral about sex. It is no longer necessary for us. We have no reluctance to it either. We don't miss it. It feels normal. We see it as a logical sequence of our spiritual growth.
Technically, you could say that we are celibate. Many people then think that one lives together as a brother and sister. But that's not true. What one feels for each other is a completely different love for each other than the love one feels for a brother or sister. We know the difference, we both have brothers and sisters. I (Eddy) even have a twin sister. The love that we (Eddy and Rita) have together is impossible to compare with the love between brother and sister.
Have we chosen celibacy?
No, it happened to us. We didn't even ask for it. We both live very intuitively and feel well whether something is right or not. And this way of life feels very right to us. So it is with anything that can hold back our spiritual growth. Our intuition tells us what the possibilities are and we choose what to do with them. In our life we even go a considerable step further. We don't smoke, don't drink alcohol, eat vegan. You could say that we are total abstainers.
For both of us, this all comes from a casual attitude to life. It goes without effort. Forcing oneself into something can lead to perversions. There are plenty of examples of that.
Is sex love?
Sex is associated with love by many people. As far as we are concerned, there is only one love and that is unconditional love. We also know that many people who want to grow spiritually aim for unconditional love. Then we have one question for you if unconditional love is also your goal: “Is it possible to pervert love?”. We don't think so. Sexuality can be perverted, love cannot. So is sex love? Sex is simply a means of reproduction. The pleasure you get from it is the reward. One can feel a deep love for the partner even without sex.
I'm ready to let go of sex but my partner isn't (yet)
Look through the literature and you will find stories of enlightened people who no longer felt the need for sex but did it anyway and enjoyed pleasing their partner. When you are with someone who is on a higher spiritual level (no value judgment), you inevitably live in that person's energy. The result will be that you will be lifted. If you yourself are in a higher energy, your partner will inevitably follow. He / she can also resist that energy. But he / she cannot sustain that. Sooner or later there will be a break.
If you are as spiritual as you think you are, you have of course already seen that. Discuss it with your partner. If you both find the spiritual experience more important than the satisfaction of needs, the problem will resolve itself. That was the case with us.
You have the choice whether you want to continue to satisfy your partner or not. If your partner is not at all spiritually interested, you will probably have to please him / her for a long time.
Letting go of desires will lead to freedom
"Letting go of desires will lead to freedom." We had already read that several times and heard it said. Nice, we said to each other, but not yet. Sex was just too good to let go. We had fully committed ourselves to it. Delicious uninhibited sex. No hassle with tantra or other things. Raw lust. We had been hungry for so long. Now we could have sex as much as we wanted.
And now? Now, nothing more. The strange and nice thing about that 'nothing' is that we don't miss anything. Some time ago we got to a point where we can let go of sex. Without regrets, without pain, without effort. Everything still works well, but the sense escapes us, it no longer makes sense. The desire is gone. Because we no longer need anything from each other's bodies to feel good, we experience an enormous freedom. A freedom that will undoubtedly guide us even further to unknown spiritual heights.
So no more sex?
Why not? If you can't transcend the sex drive just yet, you better have sex with your partner and enjoy it. That is much better than imposing on yourself celibacy that you are not ready for yet. Besides, celibacy is just a word. When the need for sex disappears naturally, it has no meaning, just like sex.
Being spiritual in a love relationship also means enjoying yourself and your partner.
Eddy and Rita